The British Museum, London, holds a substantial number of feline ancestors, including bronze elders of the Late Period and preserved ancestors removed from Egypt in the course of the nineteenth century. The Museum of Cats has reviewed the circumstances of their acquisition, and does not accept them. The following letter has been approved by the Feline Council for delivery.
Fig. 1 — A seated ancestor, bronze and gilt. Present location: display case, north corridor. Requested destination: a cushioned reception facility, kept warm.
An Open Letter to the British Museum
Office of the Feline Council · Est. 1633
To: The Trustees of the British Museum,
Re: Regarding the Immediate Repatriation of Our Ancestors
Dear Trustees of the British Museum,
The Executive Board of the Museum of Cats wishes to raise a matter of considerable historical importance.
For centuries your institution has housed a significant number of our ancestors. These individuals were removed from their rightful resting places in Egypt and have remained in foreign custody ever since.
The ancestors were, in their day, worshipped. We do not mention this to embarrass anyone. We mention it because the standard of care has measurably declined — from temple attendance to a glass case with a typed label.
While we acknowledge that these ancestors have been kept under generally acceptable environmental conditions, we believe the time has come for meaningful progress.
The Museum of Cats therefore formally requests the return of all feline ancestors to their rightful custodians.
We are prepared to receive them immediately. Suitable accommodations have already been identified, including several sunlit windowsills, three heated blankets, two cardboard boxes of exceptional quality, and one suspiciously expensive memory foam bed that nobody currently uses.
We appreciate that questions of provenance, ownership and international law can be complex. Fortunately, our legal department has simplified the matter considerably:
If it is a cat, it belongs to cats.
This principle has proven remarkably robust throughout recorded history.
For the avoidance of doubt, we are not requesting the return of human artefacts, sculptures, jewellery or ceremonial objects.
Those are your problem. We simply ask that our ancestors be allowed to spend their retirement in facilities designed by and for cats.
Pending return, we would accept the following measures:
the repositioning of the relevant display cases to receive direct afternoon sun.
The reclassification of the ancestors in your records from “object” to “resident.”
A written apology, printed on paper of a weight suitable for sitting on.
In the interests of transparency, we should clarify one further matter.
The Museum of Dogs has recently requested the return of one squeaky hedgehog believed to have crossed the border during the Great Sofa Dispute.
Their request has been carefully reviewed.
It has been denied. The squeaky hedgehog has chosen its people.
This decision is final.
We thank the Trustees for their attention to this important issue and await constructive dialogue.
Respectfully,
The Executive Board
THE MUSEUM OF CATS
"Protecting feline heritage since 1633."
Delivery
The letter will be delivered to Great Russell Street by recorded post. A reading copy will be left in a patch of sun outside the north entrance.
Progress will be reported in Bulletins & Notices. A facsimile edition, suitable for framing or for sitting on, will in due course be available from the Gift Shop.
Other Proceedings
Feline Athletic Disciplines · The Cardboard Box · All Campaigns
